We had a wonderful phone call recently. A beautiful young lady we worked with last year gave birth to a gorgeous little baby girl. This may seem pretty normal for a 32 year old married woman, but for her it was life-changing and a dream come true. Her name is Christine, and she’s given us permission to share her story.
When Christine initially contacted us, she’d been struggling with anxiety for a long time. She really wanted to resolve this. She was longing for a life where she could look forward to the future without constant worry. She’d been trying to start a family for over five years, but her body wasn’t yielding.
Christine constantly imagined the worst case scenario for the majority of situations she faced. Logically she knew that the worst case scenario rarely materialised, but it didn’t stop her imagining it anyway. It’s no wonder she felt anxious so much of the time. She had no idea how to stop this from taking over her life.
When I collected her from Inverness Airport, I could see she felt a little tense. She admitted that she’d had to feel the fear and do it anyway with regard to finally booking her breakthrough with us, but she was very glad she’d come. She wrapped up warm and relaxed on our recliner with a large mug of peppermint tea and her breakthrough process began. We took Christine right into the core of her blind spot. By this, I mean that we helped her understand and see the barriers that she was unable to see for herself.
Christine is a type 6 on the Enneagram. As such, her specific ego type, or filter, is fear, and her motivating drive is for security. If she feels secure, then her fears are alleviated. So she subconsciously searches for any potential threat. Doing so allows her to put plans and a structure in place, thereby providing the safety and comfort she craves. I can barely touch on this specific Enneatype in this post, but in essence Christine’s ‘wiring’ to look for potential problems, to seek out potential threats to her safety and security, were causing a great deal of stress and negativity in her life. In truth, this is simply the filter she lives through, because her filter is not who she really is. This short video explains how the filter works, and Christine’s breakthrough in discovering and understanding how it was operating within her, and how she could move beyond it…
Every of us have one of these filters. In fact mine (Di’s) results in practically opposite behaviour to Christine’s. My filter is designed to avoid seeing potential problems, and for most of my life if I did see them, I’d glaze over them with a positive spin. I thought it was wonderful to live with an eternally positive outlook on life, so it came as quite a shock when I discovered that it was actually creating a perspective no more realistic than Christine’s (and these are only two of the nine different filters of the Enneagram!).
Neither filter is better than the other simply because one seemingly focuses on the positive and the other on the negative. Both filters serve a purpose which subconsciously keeps the individual striving and fearful. They are just striving for different things, which creates different behaviour, and that is all. Being positive does not make someone enlightened or awakened, particularly if they are striving for that positivity and fearful of losing it. That in itself is fear based.
I had to learn how to see my own filter so I could experience life without working so darn hard to avoid anything painful or un-positive. I had to learn to see and accept potholes, because sometimes they do actually exist. It was almost as if I was afraid to see or accept negative stuff. It took practise, but I got there… and it allowed me to see situations as they actually are and live life in the truth of who I really am. It was, and still is, the most liberating transition I have ever experienced, because it meant that I stopped subconsciously striving and resisting. As a result I stopped feeling fear. I came to know and trust myself, and found a place of deep and profound peace within my being. This is what we now had to teach Christine to do; to see beyond her filter, and step into her authentic self… just as the video above illustrates.
Christine felt simultaneously relieved and shocked when she came face to face with her ego’s filter. For the first time she was able to actually experience and observe it in action. Over the course of the 3 days she spent with us, she was able to observe her filter coming into play, then observe how her mind was automatically creating worst case scenarios. Her body would then react with anxiety. The pattern played out automatically and continuously. For the first time she was able to see how she was playing out worst case scenarios with regard to getting pregnant too. On one hand she wanted nothing more than a baby. On the other she was terrified about what could go wrong… these were just a few of the thoughts she said were constantly playing on her mind…
“What if something goes wrong during pregnancy? What if I lose the child? What if childbirth goes wrong? What if it’s painful? What if I get sick? What if the baby gets sick? What if I’m a terrible mother? What if I end up with post natal depression? What if …what if… what if…. ?
And her body responded by ensuring she didn’t get pregnant.
This came as a staggering revelation to Christine. She cried, and cried… and she let go. They were tears of release. She finally began to realise that things really could change. She’d tried so many different things in the past, but nothing had created long term change. All she seemed to find were temporary fixes, but her fears would surface again because she wasn’t dealing with the root of the problem.
Step by step and with the toolkit we provided her with, she came to understand how she can change how she experiences the world. And step by step, situation by situation she practised observing her filter coming into play. She’d stop, take a deep breath, remember… then take charge of her thoughts. The most empowering thing of all for her was the realisation that her filter was nothing more than an illusion. Yet until she’d woken up to this, she felt like she was living in a stressful dream.
After she left us she continued practising being fully present and observing her own filter in action. She says that each day she released about 1% of her fear, until one day she woke up one day and it felt normal not to automatically feel fear. Her anxiety levels decreased daily, and a few short weeks after her Breakthrough Experience she discovered she was expecting their first child.
The way Christine now lives her life is vastly different to how she used to. Her filter is still there, as is mine and everyone else’s, but it’s no longer running the show. She is no longer dancing helplessly to her thoughts, and is instead becoming the master of her own life. She is awake and aware, and her daughter has one amazing mother! She says she has never felt so peaceful. She had no complications through her pregnancy, the birth of her daughter was fine, and it turns out she’s a fantastic mother.
The ego is a slippery thing. It does take someone else to help you see the parts of yourself that you don’t wish to see… These parts remain as our blind spot until we open our eyes to them, and until then, we cannot change what we cannot see.
Christine’s is one of four babies that our work has helped bring into the world, and for similar reasons. I wrote about this on facebook the other day, and another lady contacted me to let me know that the healing she was able to do as the result of a past life regression I’d done with her last year meant she’d became pregnant too, after years of struggling. So she wanted to tell me there were five, not four… that was a really beautiful e-mail to receive.
A very, very big thank you to Christine for willing us on to share her story, in the hope that it will help another woman in the same way it helped her.