The way we’ve been taught about the Law of Attraction through films such as ‘The Secret’ is that we should never ‘want’ what we are attempting to attract, because wanting something comes from a place of lack. So for instance if we want to attract a new partner, we won’t, because this comes from a place of attempting to force it, our place of inner lack, so to speak. All we actually attract is more reasons to want. Instead we should stop looking, stop wanting, and only then will what we are pretending not to want apparently fall into our lap.
OK, that’s great, except that the brain works in such a way as to delete and distort information which doesn’t resonate with our beliefs, which also determines what we’re looking for and therefore experience in life. So if you’re adamant that you’re not looking for a relationship, it’s a pretty safe bet that you will also not see possibilities when they arise.
Now there is one vital element to the Law of Attraction which no one seems to consider.
It’s that there are nine entirely different ways of manifesting. What has become blatantly clear to us in our research and study of the Enneagram (the nine types of ego and personality), is that the motivational drives and perceptions held by each of these nine types see and experience the world in a totally different way. They also manifest differently as a direct result.
Some of the Enneagram types are towards motivated, and resist acknowledging their pain or fear. In fact, they rebel against it when others attempt to connect them with it. Others are away from motivated, and work better when moving away from pain or fear.
Some of the Enneatypes have an inbuilt expectancy when it comes to receiving good luck and abundance, so for them, to want something doesn’t stem from any internal energy of lack. Quite the opposite, it comes from a place of complete expectancy. As a result, they tend to be excellent at manifesting exactly what they want. To remove the wanting element would not work in their favour.
Others have an internal expectancy when it comes to being unlucky. For them, the energy of wanting does come from a place of internal lack. Yet this can be turned around with the correct knowledge. Another of the types actually expects it to be difficult for money and success to flow to them. We have consistently witnessed that lives unfold as a result of these varying subconscious motivations, and the remarkable difference it makes when it’s turned around. All of these outcomes are a direct result of the different Enneatype drives.
You see, the KEY to the Law of Attraction is in understanding and harnessing your own internal motivating drive, then making it work for you.
Marketing is the same. There are many who believe that there’s only one successful way to market, but we know for a fact that it’s simply not true. There is no one way of communicating which will appeal to all nine Enneatypes, simply because of their subconscious drives and motivations. So although marketers may be successful at attracting large numbers by using a certain methodology, they are in reality still only attracting certain Enneatypes whilst repelling others, thereby leaving a huge gap in their marketing for connecting with many more.
Having immersed ourselves in the study of the real Enneagram for many years now, we don’t know of anyone who teaches it in quite the way we do. There is a whole dimension to it, which seems to be consistently missed. Many versions of it have become hugely sugar coated so as to not offend anyone, yet the Enneagram is about the nine different motivations and behaviours of the ego, so can’t possibly be prettied up without diluting the incredible knowledge it contains.
Many read a little about it, then say that they would love to be the Romantic Enneatype, the Helper, the Achiever or the Peaceful type because these are considered as somewhat good or go-getter types. What they are blissfully missing from these sugar coated versions of the Enneagram is the deepest truth of what being one of those types actually means, and that the choice isn’t theirs to decide. Let’s face it, we can all be romantic, we can all be helpers, achievers, peaceful etc, and this is why we see so many who have been mistyped before they come to us. The Enneagram is not about surface level traits, it is about your deepest core drive, from which all your behaviour unfolds.
Until we are able to see our own patterns, understand the drive and motivation behind them and face them head on, then very little changes or shifts in our lives. This is why many go from workshop to workshop seeking answers outside of them, when they are missing the most vital element – themselves. Until our egoic patterns are firmly in our conscious awareness, they will continue running on autopilot under the surface regardless. You can use as many positive thinking techniques as you wish to cover a layer over them and convince yourself that you feel great, but underneath the surface, when the stress kicks in, these patterns are going to surface again. Except you’re likely to feel even more annoyed with yourself when they do, simply because you feel you should know how to remain positive.
We had been delivering workshops for many years, helping ourselves and others feel incredibly positive and empowered by life, yet we had never seen our own egoic patterns and triggers. I look back now and have no inkling whatsoever how I was so blind to mine, yet I was, just as we all are. I was experiencing the world as outside of myself, and seeing everyone else’s behaviour, yet not noticing my own. This is how humanity lives. We feel it’s fine to sit in judgement of others, for instance when we enter a relationship we see their faults and can find them incredibly difficult to live with, yet we never, ever see just how difficult we are to live with, or our own faults. In our own eyes we consider ourselves the normal one, the one to which all others should aspire to be like. The simple fact is that we wouldn’t judge others negatively whatosever if this wasn’t the case. It’s a very clever little thing, the ego…
It wasn’t until I came face to face with mine for the very first time in all its glory, that I had nowhere left to hide. I had to hold my hands up to all that I am, and although it was painful, it changed my life beyond any words. Once I could see my patterns I was then able to make the conscious choice to release myself from their painful hold over me with full awareness. This brought about a much more authentic experience of happiness and peace. Now I experience the world around me from inside myself, and life itself has become my greatest teacher, as I witness how and why I perceive and respond to people and situations the way I do. I can now clearly see when my ego is reacting to something, so I don’t get away with much these days, because in all honesty it feels a little ludicrous to let it run away with me. The ego doesn’t go away, so don’t be fooled by anyone trying to convince you they don’t have one. That in itself is an egoic behaviour. Some simply learn to master theirs more. The more the ego is mastered, the more humble the being becomes. We become humble only when we come face to face with all our own failings, because only then can our prideful superiority and subsequent judgement over others fall away.
The ego is like a great big stallion that we’re riding, which we cannot see. Unbeknownst to us, it takes us to all sorts of places that we do not wish to go, because it’s pretty much in control of our perception and responses. Put it this way, if you feel offended or hurt by someone else’s behaviour on a regular basis, then it’s your and their Enneatypes differing and clashing. Learning about your own and the other eight Enneatypes means that you begin to take charge as the rider and control the stallion, rather than spending your life being taken for a ride by it.
Understanding the behaviour behind each of the nine types gives you a bird’s eye view and very clear understanding of the whole of humanity. Each Enneatype has a very specific and recognisable energy about them. It’s important to understand not only your own type, but the others too, so that you can see the place you hold overall within humanity. Contained within your Enneatype is not only your negative behavioural patterns, but the talents and skills which come naturally to only your type. Connecting with these elements of yourself, and harnessing these innate skills, allows you to get a feel for your life purpose and surrender to it. In all honesty, I would not know how to authentically connect someone with their purpose in life without knowledge of this, because how would they know that their ladder is leaning against the correct wall until they truly know themselves?
Connection to Conscious Awareness means that you can live your conscious purpose, and experience conscious relationships.
For Andy and I, there is now very little mistaking the differences between these nine ways of being. If you have been Ennea-typed in the past, and what you learned didn’t blow your mind, leave your jaw hanging open and radically transform your life, then you have not learned the real Enneagram. After reading many books, taking several online tests and attending workshops, both Andy and I were mistyped, and what we did learn failed to make a difference to our lives. This happens often with the diluted Enneagram. Likewise, if knowing your type has not made a massive difference to your life, then the same applies.
We will take you headlong into your true ego, help you understand and master it, coming through the other side, taming the stallion, taking your life in an authentic direction, fully aligned to your strengths and aptitude.
I have to add here, that knowing your Enneatype is not about putting you into a box, it’s about allowing you to see the box you have unwittingly already placed yourself in, so that you can climb out of it.
There is another level to this too. Many are seeking awakening, the ability to experience life feeling unoffended by others’ judgement, and with a sense of inner peace. The reason that what we teach achieves this so well, is because with this knowledge you will be able to see others behaviour for what it is, rather than making it all about you. It allows you to separate the two in a way that nothing else does. This allows authentic understanding and forgiveness as your natural response, automatically taking your own energetic calibration and ability to perceive truth into a more loving state.
No Enneatype is better than another. What I can say is that all nine types are required for a functioning world. Remove one, and humanity collapses in on itself. Why? Because they each fulfill a distinct purpose in the world, which only they can.
This is why simply learning positive thinking techniques doesn’t work for very long, because they are a way of keeping the individual safe, barriered in effect, whilst still not actually being able to see or understand in depth what they are keeping themselves safe from.
The path for transformation for each of the nine types is dramatically different. This is why certain workshops work for some, but don’t have the same effect on others. One of the Enneatypes has a sense of false abundance and refuses to acknowledge their pain as a result, so giving them positive affirmations to practise can in reality take them even further into their own ego patterns. Their path for transformation is to connect with, and become comfortable with acknowledging their pain, then learn how to release it. Another of the types has a sense of false lack, is too connected with their pain, and wants all others to acknowledge it. So positive affirmations work well for them because it can help them break through their normal thought patterns and connect with their joy. These immense differences in transformation are evident throughout all nine types.
This understanding takes an individual from being a seeker to being a finder. Now that we are so attuned to our own Enneatype ways of being, we experience life and our intimate relationship very differently. Instead of seeing the world as being outside of ourselves, we now experience it as being through our own conscious awareness. Living in itself has become the most incredible daily workshop, because we are on a constant journey of experiencing our more authentic self through each and every daily situation. This is the most real, deep and effective personal and spiritual development path that we have come across.
When we are delivering our Breakthrough Days with couples, and are aware of their Enneatypes in advance, we know with a high degree of certainty what challenges they’re facing before they even arrive. This is how default these patterns of behaviour actually are. Every relationship, intimate or otherwise, contains two sets of filters. Some connect, some clash and trigger one another. This is natural and perfectly explainable. The problem is that most are unaware of this, and instead spend much of their lives feeling offended or the victim. The understanding and knowledge that we share brings all of this into your awareness, allowing you to consciously navigate the best, most authentic way through your relationship journeys.
Another thing we’ve noticed, is that we tend to choose friends either the same Enneatypes as ourselves, or ones which don’t trigger us, which is why we feel so comfortable with our friends. The same ego types don’t generally nip one another, they mirror one another instead. You sit down with them, you feel amongst kindred spirits, quite simply because you feel you are looking into a mirror. You get each other, because you have the same underlying drive.
Yet, and this is a huge one… we choose our lovers as completely different Enneatypes, and very often find ourselves attracted to lovers whose Enneatype will actually press our buttons. After working with hundreds of couples, we have only ever come across one couple who were the same Enneatype, and they said they were more like best friends than passionate lovers. This is why intimate relationships are a source of challenge for many. Yet this is also why they are one of the most fertile grounds for our personal awakening, learning and growth.