We worked with a couple recently who had been together for 3 years. Our couple – let’s call them Mike and Ann – have given us permission to share their story. These are not their real names, and these photos are not of them – our clients always maintain full confidentiality.
Mike and Ann were experiencing difficulties in their relationship and wanted to find a way through. Communication was often fraught; either of them only had to do or say the slightest thing to spark an argument. This was happening without any intention to hurt or offend the other, so wires were definitely getting crossed somewhere between them.
Each time they argued it would take them into negative energy, where they would remain for several days until they worked their way back into a good place again. A few days later the cycle would repeat… and continue repeating three or four times a month.
When their relationship was good, it was great, and when it was difficult, it hurt like crazy for both of them. They were at their wits end.
One thing was very evident – this couple loved one another deeply. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to be together. They just didn’t know how to be together in a peaceful way, or how to resolve their differences amicably.
That’s where we came in.
Although they thought they knew each other well, as most couples do, Mike and Ann didn’t understand one another’s model of the world, and it was these differences that were at the root of their issues. As such, some of their behaviour was unintentionally hurting the other, and taken very personally.
Andy and I experienced something similar during the early stages of our relationship, and it was discovering how to overcome these challenges that gave us a whole new level of growth, learning and self-development. This was without a shadow of a doubt, some of the most profound personal development we have ever done. We are eternally grateful for those challenges, and for choosing to overcome them rather than walking away. This is why we are so passionate about sharing what we learned with other couples, so they can overcome their challenges too.
We met Mike and Ann at Inverness Airport when their flight landed, and welcomed them into our home for an ‘immersion experience’ – three nights and 4 days for their 72 hour Breakthrough Experience. During this time we took them both into the core of who they are, right into what drives their behaviour and makes them tick. With our help they ventured into parts of themselves they hadn’t wanted, or been able, to see previously, because it was these hidden blind spots which were causing the very challenges they had been facing.
Each time a trigger was pressed, we helped them understand the truth behind it. Until then, they had been applying layers of meaning and assumptions to situations which left each other very confused. Situation by situation a new way began to open up for them. Step by step we took them through our breakthrough process, opening their hearts to the potential of their relationship.
Mike and Ann learned about each other’s core temperament, providing a brand new level of understanding of themselves and each other. We then explored and put together the remainder of the elements of their relationship. Piece by piece, like building a jigsaw, they came to understand exactly how they could step up for each other. This included: being fully present in the relationship, meeting each other’s needs, identifying and meeting the needs of the relationship. All this – whilst being themselves, staying true to the best of themselves and supporting each other in this.
We hold a very safe space for our clients to take this journey within. It requires honesty, no judgment and absolute truth. When you have that in a relationship, it is liberating – magic happens!
For Ann and Mike it was as if they met one another properly for the very first time. They could ‘see’ one another without their old filters. This is how it felt for Andy and me too. It was beautiful, because the change they felt in the way they were able to be with one another was palpable.
When Mike and Ann learned about their different personality types, it provided something magical for them both; the ability to see and understand where their partner’s behaviour was coming from, and what was actually driving it. They discovered why their behaviour unfolds the way it does, and for the first time in 3 years were able to stand back and see situations as they really are, rather than applying false meaning. It was the application of this false meaning which was creating the problems in the first place. This is why they both felt at such a loss as to how to move through it.
Awareness of self and others – it is one of the most profound gifts. It allows you to see yourself in situations, rather than just feeling caught up in the whirlwind of whatever life throws at you, and it allows you to see others.
The moment Mike could ‘see’ and understand Ann’s behaviour and what was driving it, he was able to show up very differently in their relationship for her. Until then, he had been getting annoyed by her behaviour, simply because he didn’t have a clue what was going on or how to deal with it. The same was true for Ann. They were a very different couple on the fourth day. Ann looked visibly more relaxed. It’s a beautiful thing when a woman feels safe enough emotionally to relax into her own beauty within a relationship. When she feels seen, she feels heard and understood.
This in turn means she treats him with more love, which means he does too…
Relationships are all about what we are willing to put into them. They are gifted to us to help us grow, to learn, to grow up in a way. They are a very fertile ground for personal development, because falling deeply in love is very likely to bring all your fears and vulnerabilities to the surface. It’s only when we see them, that we can work through them.
Is it worth it? Goodness, yes.
During the Breakthrough Experience, we crafted a personalised ‘Owner and Operator’s Guide’ to Mike and Ann’s unique relationship. This they took away with them as a constant resource, and reminder of the blueprint to their relationship success.
Mike and Ann called last weekend with some great news. They said that since their breakthrough with us, they have been applying the tools, and every day their understanding is growing. As it does, their relationship is constantly improving, and they are finally learning how to be the best of themselves effortlessly with one another. They said they have never felt so happy, and they are now intending to set a date to tie the knot! We are invited!